Nah. Doing It My Way

I posted the image below to my Instagram on January 8th. I had been on the phone with a friend discussing goals and being productive. We always bounce ideas off of each other, on this day I was talking about how I had been struggling with blogging on a consistent basis.

I had tried free writing, creating content calendars, batching and outlining multiple post in advance. I used google docs to start drafting post, Different apps and programs like Asana and Trello were sitting on my phone and desktop. The lack of progress definitely wasn't attributed to anythings these methods lacked. I was trying too hard to make them work for me using someone else's system. 

After deciding I was going to make myself write and beat my procrastination I opened up my laptop put my finger on the keys. Then something amazing happened, lol, actually NOTHING happened. I sat there for a moment in disbelief that I couldn't type a single word. Then the word paralysis popped in my mind. But why? Why was I paralyzed and unable to make anything happen. Then I settled on the fact that I was trying to create content that wasn't completely genuine to who I was. It was my words and thoughts, but it wasn't being delivered in a way that was true to me and my personality. 


Insert this Instagram post:


It felt so good to finally realize that I don't have to create under any rules other than my own. Right after that I wrote the rough draft for this post. It all flowed effortlessly. I used to be able to write effortlessly. I have been blogging since about 2009 and back then I blogged consistently with no worries of whether it was seen or not. I wrote because it felt right and it was 100 percent genuine.

The difference then and now was that I wrote about what I wanted, what I was feeling and was moved by. My intentions and hopes were purely to share my life and the lessons I learned while going through different life events. It was more therapeutic for me than anything else. 

So, what changed? How did I go from inspired consistent writing to creative paralysis? I am sure there are several factors. Ultimately I did it to myself. There is an overwhelming amount of workshops, podcast, periscopes, coaches, Facebook live chats & seminars out there on how to be successful at just about anything. Unfortunately for me, I like to watch, read or listen to it ALL. While its easy to place blame on these people it really isn't right. They too are just following their dreams and passions and trying to live in their purpose.

Where I failed was defining my success based on all that information I was consuming. I warn you not to chase dreams that aren't yours. Because what you will quickly find out is that there are commitments and pressures that come with it. Sacrifices and more that may not be worth it for it. Sacrifices that actually move you away from your purpose. 

Are you ready for another cliche saying?  You have to define success and figure out what that looks like or will be in your life. I know we hear it all the time. You have to know your why and then remember your why. That was the thing that I overlooked. I knew my why, but I completely missed the importance of it and how to keep it at the center of everything. I was busy making plans on how I thought things should look but not in a manner that was keeping the integrity of my why.  

Now I know that I was trying too hard to fit all of these rules and routines in my life even though they didn't fit. They made me anxious and I often felt like quitting. In the end I was killing my own self-esteem. Putting unnecessary pressure on myself to be or do things that did not serve me or my why.  

I challenge you to go out there and create the way YOU want to. When you hit a road block then and only then look to trusted people for advise, take what you need from it and cross that hurdle your way. 

Until Next TIme, Peace Peace
Jean B.